The Sack of Ye

[Ba Zeng]

(I'm very bored, anyone is welcomed to join in, please excuse my misspellings, crappy Grammar, and lack of writing skills ;D BTW, I'm making up some plot >.>)

With the entire Wei kingdom broken and in chaos due to the absences of it's once glorious leader. It's lands are lost to the other, now superior, kingdoms. However there is still one city the remained out of the hands of Wei's enemies for a time... Now it is the only last powerful stronghold of Wei. With the loss of their leaders the city turned to its Prime Minister Sima Yi, however because of Ba Zeng's bold attempt on Sima Yi's life with assassins he now lies dead inside the palace. With Tian Shui empty, the entire Zen kingdom migrates into Wei lands. Not fearing any other kingdoms because of diplomatic reasons. Now Ba Zeng and other Zen officer's set themselves at Ye, confident in their leader's abilities, but desperate men are dangerous men. Knowing that Zen would take about no survivors, Wei would fight for their lives at this point. With an entire city overpopulated with refuges and soldiers.

Qiang Horsemen waited on the hills, so did Ba Zeng's aresenal. His famous tactic of... A lot of catapults. He would out do any other battle he had previously took part in with 100 catapults and lesser siege equipment. Such as rams and siege ladders. Would Zen's effort be in vain? The epic stone walls of Ye resemble the ones of Rome. How would they hold, how would the Wei kingdom win a battle of this proportion. Where would they run to if defeated. What will happen during the battle? .... Only time will tell.

[Adam]

Xiahou Dun finished his bubble bath in a magnificent fashion. He looked in the mirror, noticing the stubble forming, he made a childish pout and sighed. The mirror showed the distinct fact there were no clothes in the bathroom, and the Wei general begun to panic as a bang at the door occurred. He wrapped the towel around him as tight as he could as he opened the door.

"What is it! Can't a Wei General take a bubble bath in peace!"

"But sir! Everyone has left Wei! You are the only remaining General in the entire city! We have stayed because after you somehow managed to individually help every one of your men in some way, we feel obliged to stay, anyway we are British! Stern and hardy! So come on! I need to go to the chippy soon and pick up some fish and chips like!"

"Buura!"

Xiahou Dun did a Chav flick of the finger and snapped his strange tribal call to the soldier as he ran to get his clothes. A very fancy G-Unit T-shirt and his favourite Adidas tracksuit bottoms. However upon opening his wardrobe all he found was a pair of cream hot pants and a leather vest, evidently Yuan had took Dun's favourite outfit as he fled like a coward and left only Dun's... casual clothes.

He gritted his teeth and put them on, grabbing his over sized Scimitar, and his strangely pirate eye patch he was off on another adventure! Singing gleefully down the streets of Ye, Dun remembered he was off to war, and ran like an idiot back to the palace to get his army which he stupidly forgotten.

"HOW MANY TIMES, FOLLOW, BEFORE I GIVE YOU ALL ASBOS!"

"Man! That is whack! I wanna bust some cap in their asses too, but dawg, this is like... umm, ya know! WHACK!"

"I will tell you about whack! I invented whack! You stupid wannabe ganstas! Now be gone! I shalt smite you all!"

"Hell?!"

"Ok... I will bust a cap in yow ass!"

"DAWG!"

They all got their equipment and ran off to war. Quickly manning the walls with archers and the main swordsmen at the weakest points of the wall and the gate. They were prepared, fierce like Vietnam soldiers, and as deadly as the napalm which killed them. The army was ready, and their mascot set up at the palace warding off intruders. The mascot was a small painted wooden duck, which was nailed to a small ironing board, which was in the shape of colonel sanders manhood.

[Sex machine]

Elmo, was his name, due to the cruel fate that each of his parents shared; each of them having a strange fetish about fluffy, ticklish beasts. Silently he awoke that morning, staggering blindy around his small condo, his sleep crusted eyes further hindered the overly young writer as he made his way to a old friend; the kettle. After putting on the kettle and then deciding he looked like a idiot he took it off and made some tea.

For about the millionth time in his life he wondered why the hell he was british and lived in China, after finishing another rant with himself about immigrants the young, overly arrogant Elmo stepped out into the new day.

For a few seconds the disorientated youth watched as a strange gangsta cum pirate moved down the streets huge scimitar in hand. Whenever the strange fellow reached a box or guard he screamed out;

"SQUARE, SQUARE, SQUARE, TRIANGLE!!!!"

And he either got a 'f*** off' from the guards or a wooden look from the crates. Finally the strange guy moved off to the walls and Elmo's attention was dragged back to earth. More precisely the hordes of Wei citizens staring at him, who instead of speaking chinese preffered accented english, so's we can understand Jonny foreigner better.

"What da heww is he doin? Doesn't he know that Generic red is so Wu? Hell, why isn't he wearing blue?"

Staggering away yet again he decided to head off and do some quests until he figured what the hell was going on. Eventually, young Elmo found a NPC handing out quests. After heading over, his clothing fluttering in the breeze he tried to initiate conversation with the man.

"....."

Nothing came out, this was starting to get embarresing, very gently several phrases hovered into the air.

1). Hallo
2). Whore my ass
3). Life is like a box of chocolates
4). I am a unproven recruit, allow me to lead the army!
5). When the time comes Neo, you won't have to dodge the bullets....

After several embarresing moments Elmo managed a simple mumble.

"4...."

Instantly life appeared in the man's face, his features robotically formed over words with glee at his job.

"Yes you may comandeer my army! They are behind you...."

Nodding a thanks he turned to the army, they stood in several square blocks, each of them wearing the generic armor of their troop type.

"You men, to the walls!"

Nothing moved, finally a passerby tapped Elmo on the shoulder.

"Er... you have to left click them.... then right click them where ya wanna move them.... and um.... Hold control and click to select more than one."

"What the f*** are you talking about?"

"oh....That's why all my men are either ginger gauls with the same face or Roman's in identical armor then huh?"

"Yup..."

So Elmo selected the army and moved them to the walls, along the way his party managed to slay some rats for a xp bonus... Star in several sex tapes and get lost while trying to find the stairs to the wall. Yeah, life in a computer world sucks....

So as Elmo headed to the top of the walls he drew his Wii controller, stiffled laughter at the ridiculous name and reminded himself that if he hadn't wasted all his money on Dorito's and Girls gone wild DVDs he'd have a PS3. Finally, he clicked the finish deployment button and war was ready to begin!

Army of Elmokins
Elmokins - Level 20 Jedi Guardian armed with Shaun of the Dead Cricket Bat
100 Urban Cohorts with Roman shit...
300 Generic Swordsmen with swords
400 Uruk-Hai with bows
400 Resident Evil 4 Spanish Villagers with pitchforks

[Liu Bei]

A man upon a white horse stood upon a hill, over looking the quite magical and very huge city of Ye. Its walls stood tall and mighty, its men within it loyal to their cream pants wearing warlord, Xuande knew this would be a tough one, especially since he was out to kill that bastard Ba Zeng, as was Zeng out for his own head. Another walked up behind him now, upon a black horse that was quite dead, yet still a fine animal. The horse lord like man held a spear in one hand, a flag flying from it high in the air, dancing with the wind in the most casual way. The man upon the white horse was dressed in green and red robes, a touch of armour here and there. The one in red was covered in powerful looking and worn silver and red armour, signaling his country and who he was. Sun Ce from bot3k 1! He'd come here again to fight the good fight and kill everything in sight with his new ally, Liu Bei. The two would wreak havoc upon those else in the field, the Shu army hopefully coming as reinforcements and also aiding the powerful royal blade into both Ye and that bastard Ba Zeng. Ten horsemen appeared behind each lord, their bodies and steeds covered in armour, each man also equipped with a crossbow, great sword and lance. They were the last known knights of Shu, their power immense and their lives ready to fall for their two lords.

"Dey tuk er juubs!"

Yelled the ever resilient lord of Shu as he drew his two powerful swords and kicked at his steed, sending the beast forward in a frenzy as his twenty one manned army flew off toward that of that bastard Ba Zeng's. The powerful army of men would rip the unit apart and dodge any long ranged based attacks.

[Páng Tǒng]

Pang Tong arrived soon, coming upon Liu Bei's right, his rightful prime minister spot taken as such. He pulled on his horses reigns, and stopped. He looked towards the enemy.

OH MY GOD!

THEY TOOK OUR JOBS!!! >_<

Pang Tong lifted the Phoenix sword high into the air, and pointed towards the enemy.

Men! DEY TOUK YER JOBZ!

Pang Tong then turned to Liu Bei

Sir, they have the Shaun of the Dead cricket bat. I suggest we fortify our position.

That weapons range and destruction know no bounds...

450 Shashu Troops (Bowmen)
200 Yari Troops (Spearmen)
175 Mounted Shashu Motte Tate (Mounted Bowmen with Bucklers)
100 Yaiba Motte Tate (Light Swordmen with Bucklers)
176 Mounted Yari Motte Tate (Mounted Spearmen with Bucklers)
528 Ashigaru (Militia)

[Sun Yi]

Sun Yi raced with her unit to reinforce her lord's unit. She had no idea who she was going up against. Looking back at her troops, Mei Li was leading the archers to battle.

Halting her horse and her units as soon as she got near the lord, she had looked at the battlefield. The enemy seemed very easy to eliminate. Looking to the lord Liu Bei, she had sat there on her horse waiting any further orders from her lord.

So what must we do Liu Bei?




Troops

100 Light Swordsmen
250 Bowmen

[Adam]

"The enemy are no match for our might!"

"Haha! They cower before my army!"

"You think you can beat me! Ha! Fools!"

Whilst Xiahou Dun was emailing new speech for warriors on the next Dynasty Warriors war was breaking out. In the midst of the chaos a small flower arranging team had assembled and had begun to pack their fine fertiliser into small stacked up crates, strangely a small fuse poked out of one end, and all around it people in white uniforms with masks backed away.

Being the festive season Xiahou Dun poured himself a fine glass of Ale and took it all down like a true gay mighty warrior! Soon enough after half a glass of the Ale, Dun was drunk, he with his glass in hand ran over to the troops, but misfortune occurred. He slipped on a strangely placed paving slab, his refreshing beverage spraying the supposed trap against the enemy. Dun laughed as he got up, but no one was in sight.

On the way to the walls Dun finished off a cuban cigar, and flicked it behind him, the screen turned into slow motion, the tip of the cigar hit the liquid and the flames soon spread. Dun looked behind and screamed like a girl, running off in random directions until he found the exit.

The explosion which occurred was massive, it ripped a massive hole into the side of the Ye palace and a section flew off into the air. It soured high and over the walls narrowly missing the enemy formation. A door opened, and a man taking a shit looked curiously at the enemy, his tallywacker in full view until he got a newspaper and proceeded to empty his body of excrement.

He was soon finished and pulled up his trousers and came out.

"Phewee, I wouldn't use that for a few minutes..."

He sniggered and walked off with a whistle and jump to his stride. Heading for some new adventure which would later be documented in the hit series "Happy Days".

Dun looked over the walls onto his enemy, his sniper scope pinpointing the enemies location, he knew what was happening too! He had hacked their internet and was watching what they typed! He was a master at this, already a deadly virus was being spread across the enemies troops, cyper-lepracy and cyper-smallpox, the whole pack of cheese! He looked a site about taunting and quickly shot one over the enemy.

"Be gone! I know pirates! and I know muffin makers! The Sword is sharper than the leather casing a book I tell ye!"

It didn't seem to do the trick so he tried another.

"Yow mother is a whore! and yow father is a transexual bear baiter!"

A soldier tapped him and showed him a site, Dun gave him a curious look, he knew what this was, and he was now copier of great comedy, even if it did involve a certain french person. O well he did it anyway...

"Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Ba Zeng, you and your silly Foreign kiniggets!"

"I don't want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed animal, food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

[Liu Bei]

Well this worked out well.

I suggest you all head to This site (Click Me) and join. Most of us are already there and it looks to be a great game, as all of the vets are there as well.


It's been fun folks, shall we continue the fun there..?

[Páng Tǒng]

f***ing Adam always ruining everything.

f***ing Dick.

[Guan Yu]

Lmao xD

[Mortiss]

OBLIVION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*The world ends and everybody dies*

The end of Betrayal!

It was fun guys

[Ba Zeng]